Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
