I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize