There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
