i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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