I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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