You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
