I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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