it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
