I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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