I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
