idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just gift wrapped bread.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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