I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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