oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize