I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
