Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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