a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
