You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize