He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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