based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
tell me about the eggs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
