i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't deserve a penis
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
