So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This is classic penis vs brain.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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