If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i think my cat just said my name.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
