well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
