sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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