she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
