i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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