If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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