there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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