he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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