I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
