So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
