I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We need to get me chipped asap
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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