HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
