Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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