I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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