So drunk its hurt
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
