drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
