is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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