Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
