Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
