I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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