A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
