You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
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