so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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