If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
