be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
