i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
