if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
