and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
