get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
