I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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