Porn is love you can see.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
