I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
