It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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