Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
