I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
