im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
