For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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