I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
