I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
