Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
