Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize