first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
