fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's always time for handjobs
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize