Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
