Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I bet he comes in French.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
