I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
