Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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