Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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