Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
