8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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