If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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