Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there's paper in my vomit.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
