her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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