is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
