i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
