I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
