you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
