You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
