You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
