i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
