People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
