So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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