i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
