I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
