she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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