u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize